"Remember the Feather": Liam's Birth Story

Dear Liam,

You are four weeks old today.  As I sit here typing, listening as you breathe and dream next to me, I'm reminded of a piece of advice that I heard throughout my pregnancy and even in the first weeks of your life:  time goes fast, enjoy every moment.  The fact that one full month has already gone by since you were born proves just how correct these words of wisdom are.

In the interest of time, I wanted to share with you the story of your birth.  It is beautiful and precious, just like you.

You were born on a Tuesday.

This was a surprise, not just to me, but to a good portion of your family.

I felt "ready to pop" the entire week before you were born and I was certain that you would come any day.  Much to my surprise, you took your time.  I think in many ways you were providing your dad and I with a much needed week of time together, time we got to spend enjoying one another's company, time we got to spend reminding each other of just how happy we were in those moments, time we got to spend anticipating life with you.  The week of spring break, free of the stress that often, if not always, accompanies work, was a much appreciated, true vacation.  Thank you, Liam, for giving that precious time to your dad and I.  However, you didn't skip on tricking the two of us towards the end of the week.

The Friday before you were born I started having contractions early in the morning.  I was certain that this was it.  It was the day I would become a mom (officially).  The contractions were 8-10 minutes apart, nothing that warranted a rush to the hospital, but enough that your dad and I waited anxiously, counting, timing, recording, anticipating the next step, a step that didn't come.  Eventually, the contractions got further apart and then stopped altogether.  This, of course, did not happen before I told my family about the progress.

Saturday morning rolled around and I got a call from my mom.  She very nonchalantly mentioned everyone was in town.  Aunt Kathleen and Uncle Tim had driven from Ann Arbor.  Aunt Karley had flown in from Columbus.  Grandma and grandpa had driven up from Indianapolis.  They had all gotten so excited at the word "contractions" and couldn't pass up the opportunity to be here for your birth.  Little did all of us know, you had another plan.

The weekend seemed to move at a snail's pace.  I kept anxiously waiting and even hoping that you'd join the party.

Slowly, hesitantly, the Olsons started heading to their homes as the weekend drew to a close.  It was a great weekend, full of love and laughter.  In many ways I think it was a gift from you to me.  You gave me a weekend with my family, time that you know is precious to me.  You weren't even born yet and you were already bringing me so much joy.

Monday I had an early morning appointment to see my doctor.  After a wait that was filled with twiddling thumbs and nerves, we met with the doc, who informed us that given the fact that I was one full week past my due date, I would be induced the next day.  We made the appointment, left with smiles, and then reality hit.  Within 24 hours, we would be parents.  Our lives were about the change, in a BIG way.

THE BIG DAY HAD COME.

We were set to be induced at 9:00 a.m. at St. Anthony's.  We arrived about 10 minutes early and were ushered into a room right away.  Our nurse, Deb, was wonderfully chatty, taking my mind off of the intimidating journey the day was to bring.  She explained everything that would be going on as I was getting set up with an IV and hooked up to the machine that was humming beside me.  I found out that my doctor would be coming in to break my water once he finished up helping another doctor with a Caesarean birth of twins (I later found out that each of them weighed over 9 pounds).  Until my doctor was available, they were starting me on Pitocin to induce contractions.  They started me on a very small dosage of the Pitocin, but I felt contractions almost immediately.  This went on for about an hour.

Then, at 9:59 a.m., Dr. Wiess broke my water.

After that, things moved fast.  We were introduced to our doula, Joy.  I loved the fact that her name embodied everything I would be working for in the next hours.  I was ready to feel the joy of holding you, my sweet boy, in my arms, counting your fingers and toes, singing you lullabies that my mom had shared with me.

Joy suggested we take a walk around the floor to help managed some of the pain of the contractions that were starting to increase in intensity.  This suggestion made me laugh because it reminded me of my mom.  When she was in labor with me she turned to her nurse at one point and asked, "When do we take a walk around the hospital?"  She had seen this in movies, etc.  The nurse simply responded by saying, "You're already past that point."  The way my mom tells the story is that she was so disappointed that she had missed out on this step.  I couldn't believe that had been almost exactly 27 years ago, and here I was taking those slow steps, stopping periodically to breathe through each contraction.

We made it around the floor one time.

The pain was getting worse and after I used the restroom, I simply sat on the edge of my hospital bed, held your dad's hand, and worked through the extremely intense contractions.

Although I have no concept of time as I look back on the day, I remember that pretty quickly I grew frustrated because I was not getting any relief between contractions.  Something else my mom had shared with me was that I just needed to remember that each contraction would end; no matter how painful it was I just needed to push through it and then I would get a break.  So, you can imagine my frustration when I was not feeling any sense of relief, but what felt like constant pain.  I voiced this to Deb, who suggested we take me off of the Pitocin.  I readily agreed, hoping it would solve the problem.  It was at this point I remember saying to your dad, as I gripped and pulled at his pant pocket in pain (almost pulling off his pants), "I don't think I can do this."  Your dad, of course, was so loving and supportive as he held my hand and told me over and over again, "You can do this."   In those moments of pain and frustration, however, I really was not sure how long I could last.  I suddenly had such a deep appreciation for the women who spend days in labor.  Bravo ladies.

Luckily, taking me off of the Pitocin did the trick.  I was getting some relief between contractions which was helping me to manage the pain of the contractions themselves.  The pain of the contractions, however, is not something that anyone can prepare you for and it took me by surprise.  I struggled through each one, but it helped having both Joy and your dad to remind me to breathe and relax.

Sensing my pain, Joy suggested we run a bath.  I was hesitant, but the minute she said it would help with the pain, I agreed.

Needless to say, I never made it to the bath.

Within minutes (I think) I felt "the urge to push".  I remember how strange this sounded when we were told in our birthing class that during labor we would all of a sudden feel this overwhelming "urge" to push.  It was exactly that.  I felt like you were coming that very minute.  I voiced this fact and Joy rushed out to get the nurse.

It came back to me later, but when it was just your dad and I in the room as the nurses were being assembled, your dad said to me, "Remember the feather."  I was in a state of panic and your dad brought me back to the moment.  In our birthing classes we were told that when we felt the urge to push that we couldn't just push, that we needed to make sure it was indeed time to do so before we actually did.  In order to manage the urge, we were told to pretend we were trying to keep a feather in the air with our breath.  It was a breathing technique that would help us fight the urge while our nurses and/or doctors determined if we were at the point in labor when it was indeed time.  The fact that your dad remembered this is quite possibly one of the sweetest moments I remember of the day.

Deb rushed in, followed closely behind by a team of nurses, all of whom are a blur to me.  Deb explained that she was going to check to see how dilated I was and that would determine if I could start pushing.  The last time I had been checked was by my doctor when he broke my water.  I had been at 4 centimeters.

Deb checked.  I was fully dilated.  Everyone was in awe.  I was just ready to push.

I started pushing before my doctor arrived.  I was told that he had been paged and they were trying to get him there, but it was time for me to push, so I did.  At that point I was not concerned about my doctor's presence, but simply about getting the job done.

He did make it though, apologizing as he entered the room.  I remember sensing some surprise in his voice, but at that point, I was too busy to wonder why.

The next minutes were full of pushing, nurses trying to secure my IV which kept coming loose, and your dad providing me with support in every way he could.  My eyes remained closed for the majority of this time as I was simply annoyed and frustrated by everything going on around me, I simply needed to shut it out.

I do remember opening my eyes once when I was prompted by Deb, my nurse.  She leaned down and was directly in my line of vision when she said, "Kelsey, we can get this baby out in two or three pushes if you relax and avoid tensing up as you push."

It was exactly what I needed to hear.  Three pushes?  I could do that.  And I did.

I pushed for a total of 15 minutes and then I heard you cry for the first time.  It was the most beautiful sound in the world.

Time of birth: 12:01 p.m.

The next moments are a blur, but what I remember most is when they first gave you to me.  I remember thinking that you felt heavy, little did I know just how right I was.

Length: 20.5 inches

Weight: 8 pounds 15 ounces

That hour, those moments where I just held you and marveled at the fact that I was holding a miracle in my arms, was by far the best hour of my life.  You were everything that was missing in my life, something that until that moment I didn't even realize was missing.

Liam, there are many things I want you to know after this first month of your life.  The list begins with the fact that I could not sleep the first night after you were born because I was so full of happiness and love, I just wanted to swim in those emotions and in that bliss.  What I didn't know is that love and joy didn't end or fade, it has just grown stronger.  Every day since April 1st has been a new treasure, a fresh start to a life I knew I always wanted to live.  Although they are not always easy, the days with you are so very precious to me.  The moments when you look into my eyes and a wide smile covers your tiny face make me so happy it often brings me to tears, and it is in those moments that I find myself aware of just how much you add to my life.

Thank you, Liam, for bringing me more joy in this last month than I ever imagined I was capable of experiencing.  I love you with all of my heart.

Love,
Mom

40 Week Journey: Part II

As my belly grew, and the evidence was clear, we were indeed going to have a baby, changes to the house started to take place as well.

The nursery was, despite some disagreement about the paint color, what we were both itching to get started.  The room had previously been occupied by children and was shall we say "broken in".  While it was extremely frustrating for Kyle because of the amount of additional work it created, I took some comfort in knowing that the room we chose for our son was full of memories of happy children.  I will always love that.

So, the dad-to-be went to work.

After weeks upon weeks of repairing, sanding, painting, trimming, and completing finishing touches, the room came together and we started to see our home transform into one ready for its third member.

The next thing we (okay, Kyle) got to do was build the nursery furniture.  I read the directions and Kyle completed the tasks.

Just two days later, we had a home for our little one.

With the nursery complete, I went into full nesting mode.  While I was not quite ready to admit it, Kyle caught on pretty quickly when I was doing baby laundry, organizing closets, clearing out old clothes, etc.  I was relentless.  I wanted, no I NEEDED, to be ready.  I had heard of plenty of people having their children weeks early and I did NOT want to be the one ill prepared for the arrival of our baby.  Kyle just laughed at me, but I was determined.

And here we sit, three days past our due date.  The nesting, however, never really ended.  I have continued cleaning, doing laundry, organizing baby stuff, etc. every day.  The moment I think I am done, I think of something else.  Things that would have normally irritated me (vacuuming, dusting, etc.) I have been much more willing to do knowing that I am creating a better environment for my little one, and also an environment that will require less work when I am sleep deprived and covered in spit up.

Amongst the nesting, I was also determined to finish out my time at school to the best of my ability.  Despite a couple of scares, including a minor car accident and a trip to the emergency room, the last month of school went smoothly.  My water did not break in front of a classroom full of teenagers, so I considered it a success.

That brings us to today, three days past our due date, and Thursday of spring break.  I did ask him to give me a few days of spring break to relax without having to worry about school and work, and also give me a little bit more time to get the house ready for him.  He apparently did not want to disappoint his mom.  What a sweetheart he is already!

We are ready now, or at least as ready as two first time parents could possibly be.  The suspense has allowed our nerves to slowly dwindle and be replaced by joy and excitement.

Anytime you're ready little one, we're here waiting.

40 Week Journey: Part I

I've seen, heard, and read many birth stories.  All of them beautiful.  All of them unique.  All of them wonderful.

Before I write a birth story, however, I wanted to take these last few days as a pregnant woman to share our pregnancy story.  It too is beautiful, unique, and wonderful.

Today, March 24, 2014, I am officially 40 weeks pregnant.  We've made it to our due date, something Kyle is extremely relieved about.  While attending birthing classes, we were told how important it is to make it the "full 40" as they call it, if possible.  In today's world of convenience and ease, people have become inclined to inducing around schedules, vacations, tax season, etc..  Our classes taught us how important it is to allow the baby to come when he is ready and not force him to come earlier than necessary.  So, when asked by our doctor, who is actually out of town this week, whether we wanted to induce before he left for vacation so he could deliver the baby for us, we opted for trusting our little one to make his grand entrance whenever he is ready.  We're still waiting.

It all started, however, about 35 weeks ago.

On the morning of August 2, 2013, I woke early with the urge to use the restroom.  For some reason, beyond my ability to comprehend, I decided to take a pregnancy test.  The pregnancy test itself was actually a gag gift from my bachelorette party over a year earlier and had been sitting in my bathroom drawer collecting dust without a second thought, until that morning.

I took the test and, to my surprise and disbelief, within seconds it clearly stated "pregnant".  A wave of emotion flooded over me, but more than anything else, I wanted to tell Kyle.  I walked calmly back to the bedroom, crawled in bed, and told Kyle, "I have something to tell you."  His groggy eyes opened slightly as they struggled to adjust to the light pouring in through our bedroom windows.  I said, both bluntly and with a huge smile on my face, "I think I'm pregnant."

His eyes shot open and he asked, still waking up, "How do you know?"

I said, "I just took a pregnancy test."

We both started laughing.  Kyle was always certain that the second we stopped "preventing" a pregnancy I would become pregnant.  I, on the other hand, was skeptical and worried that it would take much longer.

He was right and we both knew it in that moment.  His next words were, "I told you.  I knew it."  The laughter continued into the morning as we tried to comprehend just how much our lives were going to change.

That week I made an appointment to see the doctor and take a blood test to confirm the pregnancy.  After two days of attempts to draw blood, the phlebotomist was finally able to get enough blood drawn for the test.  That same day, our doctor informed Kyle that his blood pressure was high, just another thing that still makes us laugh today.

On August 8, 2013,  I got a call from the doctor's office confirming that I was indeed pregnant.

The next couple of weeks were a whirlwind of excitement and disbelief.  We began sharing the news with close family and friends, allowing those closest to us to share in our joy.  We felt so much love in those first couple of weeks, a love that has just continued to grow and expand into a deep affection that we are so thrilled for our son to feel from the moment he is born.

I was lucky in those first months not to experience the dreaded morning sickness.  The extent of my side effects during the first trimester included exhaustion mostly, not exactly a perfect way to begin the school year, but not the worst either.

The school year, along with the pregnancy, progressed.  Food cravings came next, with a vengeance.  In the beginning it was avocados and guacamole.  Kyle and I ate A LOT of Mexican food.  Then it turned into Taco Bell, crunchy tacos mostly.  I would get them on the way home from work as an afternoon snack.

After the Mexican food came donuts, specifically Entenmann's chocolate frosted donuts.  I would buy a box a week.  I couldn't get enough.

The next major step was determining the gender.  Before getting pregnant I thought, like my parents, I would want to be surprised about the gender of our baby.  However, Kyle was very adamant about wanting to know the gender.  Considering the fact that we are both "planners" I knew we wouldn't be able to wait.

On November 15, 2013, Kyle and I took the day off of school for our first official ultrasound.  We got up, went out to breakfast, and then drove to the doctor's office.  Within the hour, we found out our little one was indeed a little boy and not a shy one either!  He was happy to show us that he was a boy, and we were ecstatic to get the news.

We drove to the mall, visited Build-A-Bear where we made wishes for our little one's future, and then picked out his very first book, Where the Wild Things Are.  After a truly perfect afternoon, we drove to Indianapolis to share the news with my family, who by some miracle, were all in town.  We shared the news with others on the trip down, as well as the trip home.  The excitement was contagious and we grew more and more excited as we shared the news with others.  Everyone was thrilled to have a boy join the family!

Shortly after this, I couldn't hide my growing belly anymore, so I had to tell the school and my students the BIG news.  Everyone shared in the excitement, and I experienced a whole new wave of joy and pride.

Next came snow, and snow, and more snow.

Kyle spent the winter shoveling while I spent the winter staying warm and growing large.

Sangria soul mates

There is nothing like a good friend.

I'm not talking about the type of friend who warrants superficial conversation, conversations that never move beyond gossip or small talk.

I'm talking about the type of friend who you crave seeing, the type of friend you know has the power to justify your feelings and lift you up, no matter how silly your frustrations may seem.

I'm talking about the type of friend who you can share things with that others might judge you for, but she'll laugh with you and understand better than anyone else in the world.

I am blessed enough to have a handful of these friends.  Friends who I know would do anything in the world for me, and I for them.

However, there is one woman who I have found to be the equivalent of a soul mate.  Is there a soul mate for friends?  If so, she is mine.

Sweet, unbelievably warm Betty.  A woman who has been a tremendous blessing in my life.

Our friendship developed slowly at first, just short hellos exchanged in the hallway, complimenting one another's shoes.  It makes perfect sense, as I look back now, that our friendship would truly blossom over two things: sangria and Shauna Niequest.

Betty and I spent hours sipping our sangria, talking about life, faith and dreams.  The best part?  It was easy.  To find someone who is so similar to me, yet makes me want to always be a better version of myself, is rare, but also extremely refreshing.

I have realized, especially over the past couple of years, that my ideas and expectations for friendship have changed.  They have grown, matured, with me.  I hope for friends that I can share more than just my clothes with, but instead, my hopes, my dreams, my beliefs and my fears.  I want friends that I can laugh with over a glass of wine, without having to be anyone other than myself.  I want friends who challenge me.  I want friends who build me up, when I am at my lowest.  I want friends who value my friendship as much as I value theirs.

I hope all of you are lucky enough to find a friend like Betty, one you swear was made just for you.

Back to school.

Back to school.  The common phrase that we spend a great portion of our lives dreading, only to wish and hope our breaks could last just one more day, week, etc.

This time it was different.

But how?  Why?

I think it boils down to a few of things.

1.  I had a great break!

I got to spend time with my family, my whole family.  It provided me with true relief from the hectic and somewhat burdensome teacher life.  I got to see my sisters and spend my weekend relishing the wonderful bonds I share with each and every one of the members of the Olson clan.  Not only that, but I felt such a sense of pride being Karley's sister.  Karley, who was in charge of putting together a HUGE fundraiser that turned out VERY successful, despite the rigid temperatures.  Way to go cutie pie!

After the race on Sunday, we made it back to Indianapolis just in time to avoid the weather that rolled in with a vengeance.  Mom and I were snowed in on Monday, which provided some wonderful catch-up time for the two of us.

Luckily, the snow cleared early enough so that I could meet up with the Wilson family for a homemade dinner.  I had run into Leah and Nick randomly a few weeks earlier, and was so happy the chance to see them presented itself before I had to head back home.  Maybe it was the delicious chili or the yummy wine, perhaps it was the easy conversation or maybe it was their adorable little one, but I caught myself feeling truly blessed in their sweet Broadripple home.  I feel so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.

After a great first, long weekend of break, I got to come home to Kyle.

We spent the week together (apart from the time he was hard at work for the baseball season).  Dinners out and date nights, including a fun sushi night, where I introduced Kyle to some really delicious dining!  He now has cravings for sushi quite frequently.  Needless to say, I think he liked it!

For those of you that live in the area, we went to Woow in Orland Park.  Really yummy!

2.  I absolutely LOVE the literature I get to teach for the rest of the year!

Juniors get The Great Gatsby, which I selfishly spend plenty of time on with the kids because it is my all time favorite book.

The best part?  I handed out books before break so students could read if they wanted to during the time off.  So many of them came back today truly excited about the book, having read several chapters and eager to discuss what they've read.  This was a VERY welcome surprise that has even made me more excited, which I did not think was possible.

Sophomores get Elie Wiesel's Night.  Mr. Wiesel is a survivor of the Holocaust who wrote a beautiful account of his experience during this horrific event.  Although the subject matter is not light, we get to have some wonderful discussions throughout the course of this one.  I just love it!

3.  Summer is around the corner!

Despite the fact that I've got such a wonderful group of students this year, the thought of a summer not bombarded with coaching and planning a wedding is so sweet I can hardly wait to truly enjoy the time away.  The idea of doing things with Kyle, traveling, spending time with family and those precious people that add so much to our lives, makes it almost impossible not to wish the days away.

Let's just hope the weather doesn't deny us warmth and sweet, sweet sunshine forever :)

Hello, 2013!

I realize that I am a little late in ringing in the new year, but for me it has been a little difficult to let go of 2012.  It was a wonderful year, full of many blessings and memories.  Kyle and I hit a few milestones in our lives together over the past year that make me sad to see the year end.  Don't get me wrong, I have faith that 2013 will be another great year, it just has a lot to live up to after the year we've had.

Looking forward, I do have many hopes for this new year.  I have learned over the course of my life, however, that it is one thing to hope and it is an entirely other thing to actually do.  If 2013 is the year I hope it will be, I am going to have to put forth a certain amount of effort, instead of waiting around for things to happen.

This all begins with, you guessed it, the resolutions.

Normally I find resolutions to be a personal thing, something I wouldn't post publicly.  However, I am hoping that the concrete words written in front of me, for everyone to see, will add some accountability into the equation.  In the end I do trust myself to follow through, but it never hurts to be a little more motivated.

Resolution #1:  Pray

Growing up Catholic, God has always been a part of my life.  However, I think that especially over the course of the past few years, my faith has grown exponentially.

After graduating and getting a job in Northwest Indiana, away from my family, church became an avenue by which I could not just communicate my frustrations and loneliness with God, but also listen to his lessons and feel comforted.  It brought something familiar back into my life.

Then, my youngest sister, Karley asked me to be her confirmation sponsor.  I was beyond touched and readily accepted.  I learned more about our faith and our relationship grew in a new way, proving, once again, the power of God.

My faith then grew in a new way through the process Kyle and I had to go through to be married in the Catholic church.  It forced to me to evaluate my relationship with God, and more importantly, his place within our marriage.  This was yet another reminder of how important faith and love can be.

I love that my faith constantly challenges me to be a better person, a better friend, a better teacher, a better wife, a better sister, a better daughter and a better woman.  I hope that by making my faith a priority this year that I will continue to better myself and my relationships.

Resolution #2:  Be positive

This one is pretty self-explanatory.

It is easy to be negative.  It is easy to find all the wrong.  It is easy to assume the worst.

This year I won't, or at least, I will try my hardest not to fall into the trap of pessimism.  Wish me luck.

Resolution #3:  Prioritize

This, I believe, will be one of my harder resolutions.  I'm hoping that I'm wrong, but I always find myself worrying about silly things, stressing over details that don't matter, and neglecting the most important parts of my life because of whatever item on my list I am trying to cross off.

I will try, to the best of my ability, to better organize my priorities.  My hope is that 2013 will be about my relationships, my marriage, my family, my faith and other important parts of my life, instead of the papers I have to grade, the bills I have to pay, and all of the ways the government refuses to acknowledge the work I do.

I have to make room in my life for what really matters.

Resolution #4:  Be healthy

Shocker, I know.  I would bet this is the most common resolution of all.  However, being healthy, in my opinion, goes beyond the gym and the food on my plate.  Yes, I will make a better attempt to include physical exercise in my schedule.  Yes, I will find healthier recipes.

However, I think that a large part of living a healthy life also includes doing things that make you happy.

After a long day of dealing with teenagers, the natural inclination when I get home is to make myself comfortable on the couch.  Not necessarily a bad thing, but it is so much harder to get off the couch once you've made yourself at home.  I want this year to include fulfilling activities, things like volunteering and becoming more connected to our community.  I want the year to include more memories and new experiences.

Health is an important part of happiness.  I want to be abundantly happy this year, so this resolution will be key.

Resolution #5:  Organize

On the surface I may appear organized, however, I am most definitely not.

My classroom, my home, and my life all need a little organization (and by a little, I mean A LOT)!

I think the key to organizing this year will be to take on a little bit at a time.  I tend to want to do everything at once and then just be done with it.  However, I think I've come to realize this makes each task that much more difficult and then the overall process is much more daunting and overwhelming than it really should be.

I know that this is the source of a great deal of my stress, so by eliminating this little bit of chaos, my other resolutions will be easier and my life will be much more tidy.

Yes, I do acknowledge that these are lofty goals, but I don't think they are impossible.  It will take a great effort on my part, that at this moment is welcome, but I know, down the road, may be easy to forget.  However, in line with my new optimism, I know I can do it.

2013 is going to be a GREAT year!  Happy New Year everyone!  May it be blessed!

Treasures.

There are people in our lives that we treasure, people that impact who we are and make homes in our hearts.  Two of these people in my life visited me this weekend, stayed in our home, and reminded me what wonderful friends I have.  As I sit on my couch, listening to the rain hit the window pane beside me, I find myself wishing them back.  Moments, days, hours spent with those who hold special places in our hearts never last long enough.

Kristen, the wise one, is a true gift to my life.  I can count on her to provide me with advice and honesty when I need it most.  She is determined and true to herself in a way that is truly exemplary.  In many ways I find myself hoping I am like her, hoping others consider me to have the amount of integrity I have witnessed her to have in so many aspects of her life.  She is a stunning and, in many ways, very independent woman.  I was thrilled to talk about her upcoming wedding, discuss details and share tips.  Dustin, her soon-to-be husband, is one lucky man.

Allyson, the passionate one, has also proven to be an inspirational woman and friend.  She has a tenacity and drive that many would only associate with cold, business-driven individuals; however, her love for her family is unbelievably genuine and touching, proving the size of her very warm and open heart.  She too is remarkably independent and smart.  I find myself in awe of her passion and conviction.  She is firm in her beliefs and shows no fear, which I love about her.

The three of us caught up over good food and wine.  In many ways it was the perfect weekend.  Friends have a funny way of tugging at our heart strings, reminding us of who we are and who we strive to be.  These two are wonderful women that I feel blessed to have in my life.

We did, however, miss our other halves, the two that could not make it.

Libby, the healer, and Jenny, the nurturer, complete our circle.  We have created, over the years, a tight-knit group that, in many ways, has become closer apart than we were when we lived down the hall or across the hall from one another the years we spent together in that beautiful sorority house.  I love that as our lives have progressed and we've taken big leaps that we have found a deeper rooted friendship, one that is sure to last and grow in ways that I look forward to with great anticipation and excitement.

These are beautiful women and wonderful friends.  I cherish each of you and look forward to the memories ahead, memories that are sure to include all of you because I cannot imagine it any other way.

Self-reliance.

"Envy is ignorance, imitation is suicide."

I knew I loved Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Every year I surprise myself when I rediscover my love of the Transcendentalists.  I mostly love teaching the ideas of nonconformity, self-reliance and confidence to my high school students, because who could possibly be a better audience for such ideas?

Nonconformity.  Self-reliance.  Confidence.

High school students generally stare at me, shaking their heads, confirming their understanding of the lesson I preach.  My hope, however, is not just that they understand Emerson's argument, but that at least one student reconsiders his or her desires to be anyone other than him or herself.

We are our best when we are ourselves.

After considering how much I hope these words, these lessons, will affect my students, I am always left wondering how well I have taken Emerson's words to heart.

While I am at a point in my life where I can confidently say I have transcended any desire of "imitation", jealousy is another story.  I am not above admitting that there are moments envy finds its way into my life.  I might be ashamed that this immature and selfish emotion still lingers in my life, but I'm not too proud to admit it.

What bothers me most about envy is that it blinds us in our ability to be thankful for what we DO have. I choose, therefore, to rise above such trivial feelings and find fulfillment in what I have, because I have so much.  What do shoes and clothes and smart phones have on love and friendship and family?  Absolutely nothing.

Thank you, Emerson.  Every year you remind me how trivial it is to want anything other than what I have.

I have everything I could possibly need.

The inevitable.

It has happened.  Cold season has found me and taken me under its vicious and relentless wings.

This means several things:

1.  8:00 bedtime.  DO NOT DISTURB.

2.  Christmas music will be on repeat.  Why?  It makes me happy.  Deal with it.

3.  Lots of soup and tea.

4.  I'm grouchy - you were warned.

5.  I'm worse at filtering my attitude (if it wasn't already obvious).

Best to stay away.  Blog updates will come when this monster has passed.

Gracious love.

November always brings thanks.  For the fortunate, myself included, the thanks are not in short supply. Today, however, my focus falls to the man in my life, rather than my other blessings.  It was four months ago today that I married him, and nearly five and a half years since we first started dating.

I took the time today, in this month of giving thanks, to consider what I have most enjoyed about dating, loving, and marrying Kyle.  The list is a long one, but I chose some of my favorites to share.  I love you Kyle.

1.  Our holiday road trip to Colorado.

A few years ago Kyle and I drove the 20+ hours to Colorado.  This trip was so special to me because I finally got to show Kyle my home, the place where I had grown up.  It had become as much a part of me, as I was it. He got to meet many of my extended family members, including my Aunt Kris and Uncle Paul who opened up their home for us, the entire week, feeding us gourmet meals and working around our packed daily schedules.  A week full of the Colorado landscape, included: skiing in Vail, wading in the natural hot springs of Glenwood, visiting the University of Colorado, roaming the desolate hallways of my Alma Mater, lunch at Casa Bonita (mostly because Kyle did not believe me when I told him it was a real place), listening to our echoes bounce off the beautiful Red Rocks, and of course, lots of time spent together in the car.  I fell deeper in love with him after I saw him fit so seamlessly into everything that was so familiar to me.

2.  Summers on the water.

Kyle's parents travel the coast of Indiana and Michigan in the summer months.  Kyle grew up on the water, enjoying the beaches and water sports that owning a boat offered.  I have been graciously added to these traditions, and I have thoroughly enjoyed seeing Kyle in his element, doing the things he loves.  From taking bike rides along the beach to picking berries and eating them right off the vines, Kyle and I have found so much joy in reaping the benefits of the life of boat owners - thanks mom and dad!

3.  Being both spectators and coaches.

Both Kyle and I have a passion for sports.  I grew up playing so many sports that my mom eventually had to tell me I was going to have to choose between them.  Kyle's experience was also one of an athlete.  Given our backgrounds and passions, athletics have followed us into this new phase of our life.  We still love attending sporting events together, cheering on our teams and becoming engulfed in the passion of fellow sports fans.  I have also enjoyed supporting Kyle from the sidelines, hoping all of his hard work as a coach pays off with victories and appreciation.  It's fun being a coach's wife.

4.  Watching our Sunday night shows.

While our tastes when it comes to entertainment may vary, we've found that we enjoy many of the same television shows.  Sunday nights have become one of my favorite of the week because we both know that despite it being the end to the weekend, it is our time to enjoy one another and put aside all other worry, concern or stress.  Now, if we could just add a little puppy, we might just complete the perfection this night holds.

5.  The family love.

I have enjoyed seeing Kyle become more and more comfortable with my family, so much so that my sisters truly see him as a brother, and my parents view him no differently than they would if he was their own son.  My family has always been very important to me and I always knew that my future husband was going to have to get their approval.  It's rewarding and refreshing to see that Kyle has exceeded approval and has found acceptance and love.  I have also enjoyed becoming closer to Kyle's family.  From spending summer weekends on the boat to enjoying special evenings at Chicago Pizza & Oven Grinder, Gatto's or Taco Real.  Family will always be important to both of us and I cannot wait to see what joys the future holds with additions that might just be made :)

These are just a few of the many wonderful experiences I've shared and enjoyed with my new husband. It is fun to consider our relationship and its growth over the past six years.  To think that we've just skimmed the surface of the memories we'll share is exciting.  I'm so looking forward to finding new ways to grow closer and continue to enjoy one another's company.  

We are so blessed, and I am so thankful.

Terrifying teacher.

I dread the day before a break at school.  The students' minds are not in the classroom.  Their focus is on making plans over the long week.  Their attention is on how much sleep they will be able to catch up on over the next few days.  What I have to say, how much knowledge I am attempting to provide to them is of very little importance in comparison to their social agendas.

However, in the course of this beautiful Wednesday, a past student paid me a visit.  He is currently a senior who I had in English 11 last year.  After a few minutes of small talk, the conversation took a turn.  He told me, "It's crazy to think about how terrified I was of you last year, and now, this year, I actually choose to come into your room just to talk to you."

Yes, he used the word "terrified" which made me laugh.

This conversation brought me to think about the way relationships develop, change and grow.  I appreciate not just the relationships I'm able to have with my students once they are no longer my students, but I like to think about this idea in terms of friends, loves and family as well.

I consider how much my relationship with my mom has changed.  She is now my friend, when she used to strictly be my parent.

The relationship I have with my sisters has become closer and closer over the years, despite the growing distance.

My relationship with Kyle has bloomed in many surprising ways as well.

These changes are welcome and I believe they are indicative of the growth of each individual involved.  The more we learn about one another, the more our relationships are going to be impacted.

Thank you, dear student, for your genuine observation.  I'm happy I no longer terrify you, but glad I did while you were a student in my classroom.

Blessings.

My mom used to tell me that one of the wonderful things about having children of your own is that you can choose how you raise them.  She told me that I would be able to change the things I didn't like about how she and my dad raised me.  She would, obviously, recite these words when I complained about a rule, stipulation or decision that either she or my dad made that I was not particularly fond of.

Many years ago, I would have argued that were MANY things I would change when raising my own kids, but as I consider it now, I've changed my mind.

I consider myself extremely lucky because of the love, compassion, support and discipline my parents showed me throughout my life.

The reason I came across these thoughts today is because I found a picture that I've been searching for since the wedding.  A picture that, in many ways, will forever serve as a reminder of how much my parents care about me.  A truth that I can only hope, one day, my children will realize about their own parents.

When I was baptized, my mom saved and froze flowers from my christening cake, so that one day, I would be able to add them to my wedding cake.

When filing through our wedding pictures, I found many beautiful pictures of our cake, but none of them were from an angle that highlighted the christening flowers.  I inquired about said photograph in an email to my photographer, who told me she didn't get one from that particular angle because the DJ's table would have been in the background, and let's be honest, that would be an eye-sore.  She was right, I knew, but I was still upset, mostly at myself for not making sure this was on the "must photograph" list.

I explored the web, looking through the pictures posted on Facebook, my venue's website, etc.

It wasn't until this week, in a somewhat random turn of events, that Championship Catering posted a picture of our wedding cake on their Facebook page, describing how they enjoy working with Indiana Memorial Union Catering, the company that did our cake.

The picture happened to be from the perfect angle.

Sometimes it is the smallest things in life that remind us just how blessed we are.

Oh, and mom, I wouldn't change a thing.  I love you.

Monday love.

Rarely do I find myself enjoying a Monday, but today was one of those days.

Yes, it was the beginning to another week, but the fact that this week is fall break does not hurt.  Knowing I have to survive fewer days of work helped make the day easier to endure.

Secondly, Kyle is done with football.  As much as I LOVE spending my Friday nights cheering him on, I am so excited to spend the afternoons together during the week.  Any more time I get to spend with my hubby is a treasure.

I am happy to say that the last reason today was such a good day was because of my students.  We had some meaningful discussions, which I'm sad to admit is a rarity.  However, today I saw a different side of my students.  They were capable of holding mature conversations about a wide range of topics concerning life, adolescence and love.

I love little moments that provide me with a sense of pride in my students.  It's days like today that I am reminded why I do what I do.

Thank you, students, for providing me with that much needed reminder.

Here's to hoping the rest of the week can live up to today!  Happy Monday!

Pumpkins and football.

At the beginning of each season, in an attempt to avoid the pain of focusing on what is passing, I like to look ahead and consider what I most look forward to in the coming season.  Obviously we are saying good-bye to summer, and hello to fall.

I have to admit, I love fall.  The only thing I don't like about it is its transience.  It goes as abruptly as it comes and we are left with fallen leaves, bare trees and the whispers of winter.

While winter might be right around the corner, the beauty of fall is lingering and thus I still find it appropriate to foster the love I have for the season by praising the things I appreciate most.

1.  The colors.  It comes as no surprise that the Indiana landscape becomes an entirely new world in the fall.  The trees show their true colors as the cool breeze breathes life into their branches.  Poets and writers may use autumn to illustrate death, but the blushes and vibrant colors make it difficult to see anything suggesting a lack of life.

2.  The weather.  While I am a lover of heat and sunshine, there is nothing better than a wardrobe that consists of jeans, casual tees and cardigans.  A colorful pashmina is never a bad accessory either.  I prefer not to sweat through my clothes.  I prefer instead to rely on a hot coffee to offer me the perfect amount of warmth that a jacket is not yet required to provide.

3.  Football.  I may jokingly complain about having to watch football Thursday, Friday, Sunday and Monday, but the truth is, I secretly like it.  I enjoy Friday nights, under the lights, most.  There is just something about cuddling up under blankets, drinking hot chocolate, and cheering on your team.  I don't imagine it will ever get old.  It's a plus that I get to see my husband out there, doing what he loves, as well!

4.  The holidays.  Fall births holiday season.  Halloween, although not my favorite holiday, brings people out of their homes to hang decorations and greet passing trick-or-treaters.  I appreciate the neighborly charm that Halloween brings to the suburbs.  Then comes Thanksgiving, a holiday that celebrates the best things in life.  While we should always consider our blessings and be grateful for those bestowed upon us, it is too easy to forget.  I love Thanksgiving for the simple fact that there is a day devoted to forcing us to remember our blessings.  The food provides a deep comfort that cannot be forgotten either!

Welcome Fall.  Make yourself comfortable and stick around for a while.

Sincerely,
Kelsey

Words of Wisdom.

Today is International Day of the Girl.   To celebrate the event, CNN asked powerful women what they wish they had known at the age of fifteen.


Arianna Huffington, Editor-in-Chief of the Huffington Post Media Group, would tell her younger self, "Do not let negative experiences--and there are always plenty--get in your way...Many of what seem at the time to be your biggest setbacks will end up leading to your biggest opportunities, and in ways you can't predict."

Queen Rania Al Abdullah of Jordan offers the following words to her younger self: "Learn from those who walked the road before you, but carve your own path.  So be different, explore the twists and turns on your way, and don't fear the occassional fall -- it is part of every journey."

Fabiola Gianotti, a physicist, would tell her fifteen-year-old self, "Always find the time to do something for other people."

Robin Bernstein, a historian and published author at Harvard University, says, "Relax and let the future arrive on its own time and in its own way.  Allow yourself to be astonished."


Reading through these responses, these clever and endearing words, I was inspired to write a little advice of my own.  I think being surrounded by teenagers on a daily basis has provided me with an especially keen insight on the topic.  I am reminded daily of what I wished I had realized and known sitting in those high school classrooms.

If I could go back, I would tell the 15-year-old Kelsey one very important thing:

Don't be afraid to be different.

It seems so simple, but I realized that everything I would tell myself, could be traced back to this very simple fact.  I know that those four years would have been completely different if I hadn't worried so much about being the same as those around me.

While I think the desire to fit in is a pretty natural one of teenagers, I feel such pride in those students I have that go against the grain, the students that relish in their differences and quirks.  They are so interesting.

I know I was interesting, but I wish I had known it then.


View the CNN article here

A meeting of palates.

In the weeks that followed the wedding and honeymoon I endeavored to find a handful of go-to recipes that both Kyle and I would enjoy.

Knowing my husband, you'd know that this was not an easy task for me.  Not because Kyle is picky, but because we have very different palates.  Kyle grew up in a classic "meat and potatoes" household.  I grew up in a carb-loving, pasta-eating home.

In my attempts to appease both palates, I learned that Kyle was satisfied with pasta as long as it was accompanied by some sort of meat.  So, I did what anyone would do.  I turned to the almighty and wonderfully convenient Pinterest.

In scouring through recipe after recipe, I came across several keepers.  I've decided to share one of our favorites, mostly because it is just too good not to share.  Enjoy!


Cajun Chicken Alfredo

Ingredients
4 small boneless skinless chicken breasts (I buy the thinly sliced)
Cajun blackening spice
2 tbs of butter
Olive oil
2 teaspoons minced garlic
1 cup grape tomatoes, halved
1/4 cup dry white wine
1 1/2 cup half-and-half
1 1/2 cup shredded Italian cheese blend
3 oz. herbed goat cheese, crumbled **
1 tsp kosher salt (or more, to taste)
1/2 tsp ground black pepper (or more, to taste)
1 lb fettuccine noodles

**The herbed goat cheese is, in my opinion, the most important ingredient.  The flavor it adds MAKES this dish!  Just ask Kyle :)

FOR CHICKEN

Rinse chicken and pat dry.

If you do not buy the thinly sliced chicken breasts, you'll need to pound each breast flat with a meat mallet between two sheets of plastic wrap.

Sprinkle heavy amount of cajun spice on both sides of each chicken breast, pressing to adhere.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Heat 1 tbs of butter and olive oil in large skillet over medium-high heat, until butter begins to brown.

Place chicken in pan, and sear on one side until brown, about 3 minutes.  Flip chicken and sear on other side until brown.  Work in batches if needed.

Place browned chicken on a rimmed baking sheet and bake for roughly 10 minutes, or until chicken is cooked through.

Remove chicken from oven and thinly slice against the grain.  Set aside.


FOR SAUCE

If the skillet looks dry, add olive oil. Re-heat skillet over medium heat.

Pour in the dry white wine into skillet to de-glaze the pan.  Whisk all of the delicious brown bits off of the bottom of the pan (1-2 minutes).

Add the minced garlic and halved tomatoes to the pan and saute to soften and lightly caramelize, stirring occasionally (1-2 minutes).

Reduce the heat to medium-low and pour the half-and-half to the pan with the tomato mixture, stirring constantly for 1 minute.

Add the salt, pepper and the remaining tablespoon of butter.

Continue to stir the cream mixture while it simmers for 3-4 minutes.  The cream should reduce slightly.

Remove from heat.  Add the grated cheese and the goat cheese to the cream sauce.  Stir constantly until all the cheese has melted and the sauce is smooth.  Taste sauce and adjust seasoning.

Pour cooked fettuccine onto the sauce and top with sliced chicken.

Toss the pasta and chicken until well combined.

Serve immediately.

I hope you enjoy it as much as we do!